You Seem Curious
by Steel Sword and Silver Bow
Summary: Welcome to the dialogue series of doom. Journey with Legolas and Aragorn through capture, torture, and absurd conversations. If you want angst, see our other story. If you want to MOCK angst...well, here you go.
1. A & L in Rivendell! It rhymes Yay

**This story is a series of dialogues, and therefore has NO place, setting, time, etc. The setting is in the chapter title. Use your imaginations! Since it might get confuzzling, I'll just let you know that the first line is said by Aragorn. **

**Signing out, **

**-Steel Sword-**

* * *

_Dialogue 1: Aragorn and Legolas in Rivendell!_

"You seem troubled, my friend."

"You seem curious."

"Call it my curse."

"I have."

"All right. Now that we have established my natural state of curiosity, perhaps you can reveal what's plagueing you?"

"How long have we been friends now?"

"That either means that it has something to do with us or that you are saying something completely irrelevant in an attempt to confuse me."

"If it's the latter, is it working?"

"No."

"Bugger. Then, no to the second one."

sighs and tries to be patient "Legolas. If you don't want to talk about it, just say so."

"Aragorn... I don't want to talk about it."

"All right, then we won't! So what's bothering you?"

"...Nothing."

"You lie!"

"...No. Seriously. No."

"Oh. So you're withdrawn, sullen, and there's completely unnecessary tears in your eyes for no reason?"

"...Yes?"

"Well then why didn't you just say so?"

"Aragorn... I don't want to talk about it."

"Wait...now I'm confused. I thought there was nothing to talk about. You mean you just don't want to _talk _to me? Did I _do _something! IT'S ME, ISN'T IT?"

shifty eyes "IS IT? WHAT? WHY ARE WE YELLING? NO."

"I knew it. You said you didn't take the acorn heist seriously, and now I see that it was all a lie."

"...No."

"Oh. Well then..."

"Aragorn?"

"I have problems too."

"Isn't there some sort of... club we could join? Maybe... a C2 community that we could talk about problems in?"

"...No."

"Bugger."

"We should start an advice column!"

"...What? 'We' as in... _us_? Have you heard any... _snapping_ sounds lately?"

"Hi Legolas. How are you."

"I'm fine! _WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS THINK I'M ABOUT TO DIE? I'M FINE, REALLY. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M TORTURED INSIDE OR ANYTHING, WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT?_... I'm fine. How are you?

"I'm upbeat and neato. And mate, if I had wanted to ask you that, I would've said 'Hi Legolas. Are you about to die or tortured inside?' Duh."

"Oh. Well..."

"We are so boring. Who would be entertained by our dialogues?"

"What makes you say that? It's not like people actually eavesdrop and write down what we say or anything. You're paranoid, mate."

"Paranoid rhymes with lemonade."

"...YEAH, IT DOES! Cool."

"It's like a lemonoid."

"You're like a lemonoid."

"Your face is like a lemonoid."

"Right, well. I have to go get captured and tortured by Orcs or something. Good bye."

"'Course you do. AND I'M COMING WITH YOU!"

"...No."

"It's something I did, isn't it."

FIN


	2. A & L: A Question in Rivendell!

"Legolas, I have an EXTREMELY important question to ask you. It's been plagueing me for...months!"

"That's a long time. Actually, it's rather short. Elves judge years by 144 years at a time. Anyway."

"SO I'LL BE ALIVE FOR LITTLE MORE THAN A YEAR?"

"Wow. You're not even a year yet, are you?"

"Oh. Sure. Rub it in, why don't you! I'm moving out. I'm sick of elves."

"Don't worry, I'm sure they're sick of you as well. You smell funny."

"Oh, good, so it works out. Hey, wait..."

"Why?"

"Huh? Why what? Uh...oh yeah. I have a question."

"You seem curious."

"Elrond says it's my curse."

"Actually, I did."

"Wait, I thought we both did."

"We both did what?"

"DO YOU WANT TO HEAR MY QUESTION OR NOT!"

"I'm not particularly curious, no."

"Ok, so here it is--"

"YEAH?"

serious tone "Legolas..."

"Is this about the shampoo again?"

"No, that w--"

"Yeah, I didn't think so, but I just wanted to make sure."

"Ok. Well. My question is--"

"A very good one, I'm sure. You are a very curious person. Why, I would say it's a curse."

"Well thank you! But about my question."

"Oh, right. Do go on! Honestly..."

"So, I just really wanted to ask--"

"Well, OF COURSE you did. That's generally the purpose of questions."

"Yeah, it took me awhile to figure that out. But anyway. So the quest--"

"WE'RE GOING ON A QUEST? Why didn't you just say so? OF COURSE I'LL COME!"

"Oh, ok, we can go on a quest. Bu--"

"Well... yeah..."

"Before you pack, I have a question."

"Boy, you're just full of questions today."

"Yeah, just one. And--"

"AND? ANOTHER QUESTION?"

"Er, same one. It--"

"Oh. Go on."

"Legolas, why are you so green?"

everyone blinks

FIN


	3. A & L: Not POF ch7ell!

YSC CHAPTER 3

"Legolas, I'm packing for the quest. Have you seen our cheese grater?"

"Cheese wheel?"

"Grater. With a g."

"Why would we need that if we don't have a cheese wheel?"

"Um…no reason. Legolas…what's that you're packing?"

"A nifty new contraption that I got for 3 quid. I mean…gold coins…"

"IT'S THE CHEESE GRATER!"

"Is THAT what this does?? It looked so much more multi-purpose!"

"Yeah. Multiple purposes. Can shave cheese and ears. Yes, there was a threat in there."

"HEY! My ears do NOT need to be shaved! I do NOT have hairy ears!!"

tickle tickle "Come here hairy ears…."

"Eieieie! Get away! Get away!"

"Oh Leggie…I think your ears need a good ol' shavin'…"

"You better watch it or I'm going to get my nifty contraption and shave your NECK! …and I don't mean of hair! Hahaha….wasn't that clever?"

"Wait, I don't get it, are you calling me fat?"

"No. Well…I mean you have put on some weight, gornie, but I wasn't going to low blow you like that. I mean..that's a low blow… like below your beer gut."

Pats beer belly "Mmmmm. HEY. WATCH YOUR TONGUE BEFORE I BRAND IT. Anyway. I'm all set. Are we ready to leave?"

"You went too far that time."

"Far as in…you're ready to leave? For our quest?"

"Fat fat fattie!"

sniffle "I'm going on a quest without you…"

sniffle "Well me too… with my hairy ears and almost branded tongue…"

"And I'll have some MARVELOUS company in my beer belly and my hairy neck!"

"Oh! Hey wait I know how to fix this…quick ask me a question!"

"Oh, I've got a great question. Why are you so green?"

"You seem curious."

"Multiple people have called it my curse. WAIT. Are you trying to change the subject?"

"Most of them were me."

"You had a different voice every time."

"AND a different body. Impressive, no? Aragorn…I am your father! Teehee. Did I just do the Elrond voice all right? Oh hee hee I am funn-nee."

pause

"Whoa. Ok. I needed to get over the fact that chronologically you COULD be my father. Though that voice and body stuff is nifty, maybe you'll be helpful on my quest after all…."

"I'm a lumberjack!"

"OH! Another plus! I knew you must have some arm muscle hidden under those skinny winny flaps of skin! Ok, let's go!"

"No, no….let's bounce! Or frollick."

"Legolas…you know I'm sensitive about frolicking in public…"

"No, no…that's dwarves. Anyway, up you go! Good bye everyone!"

"Yep, we're off on a quest! We'll be back soon! It's not like anything could go wrong. We are well-armed able men. Well…one of us is…a man…the other…is a pretty effeminate elf."

"You think I'm pretty?"

FIN


	4. A & L: Of Bunnies and Capture

YSC CHAPTER 4

"Legolas, I think we should've gone south at the start of this quest."

*blank stare*

"SOUTH I SAY. There's nothing out here but…is that a bunny?!?"

*panics and grabs head* "The bunny people! They've come! They've come at last!"

"That's it. I'm turning around. I should've never gone on a quest with you, especially when you're wearing fuzzy pink. Namarie, Legolas."

*completely ignores this monologue* "The bunny people, Aragorn! Quick, quick, do what I told you to before. And NO sudden movements!"

"What? I thought that was in case of a fire…"

"Well this is more important."

"WHY, Legolas? Why are the stupid bunny people so stupid important???"

"You seem curious. You're on fire, by the way."

"Well, you see, I do seem curious. I've been told this often. It's something of a curse. Didn't someone say that to me once before…"

"Didn't someone say what? 'You're on fire, by the way?'"

"Well that one yeah, but no…hey…I'M ON FIRE AKLSDJFAKLSD;FJAWOIER!!!!!" *does what Legolas showed him, but with plenty of sudden movements*

*watches Aragorn jump up and down, imitating a bunny being chased by a hawk, with plenty of sudden dives into the brush*

"Hey legolomp, this here is some nice brush."

*watches as brush sets on fire and Aragorn continues to smolder*

"This here brush smells like Christmas."

"Why, Aragorn, you are correct. The smell of flammable plants burning does tend to put one in the mindset for Christmas."

*peeks out of brush* "Uh oh…Legolas! LEGOLAS!!! Those weren't bunnies! Those were ORCS with BUNNY MASKS ON!! They're coming for us! I foresee capture…torture…angst…and/or death!"

"Just do the second routine I taught you."

"I thought that was just in case of an audition for a big ballet company."

"Well, considering the leap in the third act lands you in the arms of your co-stars—being the Orcs in this circumstance—I have no doubt that you will take care of the problem as you are still on fire."

"Last time you leapt into an Orc's arms, it bit your braids off…"

"Ah, but therein lies my mistake. You've perfected my plan. I didn't realize that in order for it to work, I had to be on fire."

*tries it and lands in the arms of an Orc, completely NOT on fire* "wow…."

*tilts head, a slightly bemused look on his face* "Well, I see now that no matter how many times this experiment is attempted without being on fire, it never works." *scribbles something down in notebook*

ENTER THIRD CONVERSANT!!!!!

"grunt grunt, I am Bugrock. Why'd ye jump on me, scum?"

"Bug? Rock? I'm Aragorn. You're like…a bug? Under a rock?"

"…my parents were hippies, ok? You don't think I get mocked enough back in Isengard?? Now you must mock me, little man??"

"Teeheeheee, Aragorn, he called you LITTLE!!!"

"Legolas, look! There are some pretty green things over there. Why don't you go examine them?"

"grunt grunt, NO. We want elf too. Come 'ere, boys! We gots ourselves some FUN!"

*stares blankly before proceeding to blink* "We must call upon the magic of the bunny people."

"grunt grunt, we set bunny people on fire and stole their heads for disguises."

"Legolas…doesn't their MAGIC still LIVE ON?!?!?"

"You seem curious."

*The Orcs capture Aragorn and Legolas, bind their hands, and begin to lead them away.*

"See, Legolas? The Orcs go north. Which is why we should've gone south. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALKSDJFDJKmeneh."

*still musing over what the Orc told them about the bunny people; comes to a brilliant conclusion* "So THAT'S how you caught on fire!"

"I remember that. Good thing you taught me how to put it out. Oh shoot, that Orc's got a whip."

"KEEP IT MOVIN', SCUM!!"

*Aragorn and Legolas get whipped senseless*

FIN


End file.
